I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
