dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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