Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
