I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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