Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Even my vagina gasped.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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