I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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