the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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