My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
