I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
