don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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