hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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