I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
