plz talk dirty to me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
