I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
