Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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