Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
