Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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