There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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