These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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