at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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