My liver just broke up with me...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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