I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want nice things and good sex
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
