i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
