Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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