It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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