she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
