You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
