im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
