Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
