I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
