I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
