I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
