She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
