what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
