did you get engaged???
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
