I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
