she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
