Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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