I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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