Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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