You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
