As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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