had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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