so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
