I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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