i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
