You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
whose parrot is this?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
