I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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