dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
