I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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