Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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