just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
