I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
