In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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